It seems impossible to understand why a period in hospital, during tests for cancer, should seem to be one of the happiest times of my life. Possibly it is the kind of changed situation in which I find myself almost certainly between Nicholas and myself. Things have, until now, been very distant. But now we seem able to joke together without restraint - a situation which I always hoped for. The way in which he carries out his duties as a kind of escort, during these long and boring trips in the ambulance, everything that he does for me - often before I know myself -makes him priceless to have along and we must certainly reward him well.